I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
