Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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