omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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