There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
