and she was petting her beer can
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
