So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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