i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
