I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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