Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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