I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
