Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
