I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
