She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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