I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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