When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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