Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
