I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
