you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Less talking, more tequila
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
