just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
They took my balls.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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