Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
