you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
