I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
