I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
