my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
