Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
