So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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