He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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