Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
