I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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