this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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