Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
