I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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