Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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