so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
