They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
