I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
