Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
