i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
