"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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