Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
