Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
