i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize