her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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