i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
