today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
