I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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