She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
