i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
