Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no, he came in my armpit
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize