Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize