didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
