well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
