what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize