You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
