But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
