He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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