We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize