my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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