Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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