WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
